Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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