whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
