He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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