they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
