Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
