I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
