YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize