I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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