you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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