Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
