if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize