just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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