wrigley field is MILF paradise
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
