Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize