can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize