____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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