i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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