I think scott just propositioned me for sex
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
