my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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