hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
