The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize