32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
