Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize