I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
