adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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