Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
