Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
