When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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