She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
