i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
