my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
