its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize