Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
