John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
