Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
