she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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