I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
