In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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