I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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