I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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