.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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