well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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