With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
