did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize