Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
