either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just forgot I was standing up.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
