All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
