Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just saw a hot homeless man
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
