this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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