my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
