Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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