i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
