Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
