I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
