Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
