Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we made out on top of his cat.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
