I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
