tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
