I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
