I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
