They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
