Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
