we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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