drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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