I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
